Weightloss journey..

Do you ever just have an a-ha moment? At my son's adoption hearing it was the happiest day of my life, and then we came home, and I looked through the digital photos. Oh my god. This was a day that I wanted to document, and celebrate, and make a big deal out of, but the photos of ME were unbelievable. I was HUGE. Like a two ton truck huge. It flipped me out. There was no way I wanted to show anyone those photos.

Certainly I just didn't wake up that morning and gain 100lbs. It had happened over several years, and when people would say in a gentle sort of stupid way - gee honey, you're gaining a bit of weight, I'd think "no shit sherlock".. I mean I'm the one who can't fit in pants anymore, I'm the one who is wearing a size 24 tent. I'm the one whose back is killing me, and yes when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, it makes me *think*.

When I had photos taken of me in the past, (in my fat suit) I promptly ripped them up before my husband could see them, or feel mortified if he did see them. These pictures however, couldn't be ripped up and thrown away - they were an integral part of our life as a family. It was eye opening. It made me soooo sad and ashamed.

That was *my* a-ha moment. It took me 5 days to get my thoughts, and plan together and really see myself, for what I'd become, but on August 7th, 2006 I decided that this was the day that would be the first day of my new life. I found sparkpeople and signed up, I joined the gym, and took my first gruelling spinning class, and I picked up This book and started writing down everything that I put in my mouth.

Counting those calories and seeing exactly how many were in a particular food was eye opening. Fat people say they don't eat a lot and don't know why they're fat - well this was another a-ha moment for me. I realised that 350 calories for 4 cookies was equal to an entire healthy meal, and that it also meant an hour on the treadmill to burn it off, & that made me seriously re-evaluate what I put into my mouth.

I felt pretty stupid when I started adding up calories and suddenly *got it* that 3500 calories is a pound. I have to either not take in 3500 calories, or work 3500 calories off to lose just 1lb a week!! Well I wanted to lose no less than 2lbs per week, because I felt like the amount I had to lose was almost insurmountable otherwise. At 2lbs per week it was going to take me 50 weeks to get to my "ideal" chart weight. That's an entire year, and although I realise it took me a lot longer than a year to get fat, as someone who likes positive reinforcement, I wanted it to be less than that.

It is what it is..

Adoption Day!

Finally...I thought this day would NEVER arrive. We have to be at the County Courthouse to finalize our son's adoption at 8.30am. It's definitely been a long time in coming. He was born on Oct 24th 2004, a drug addicted, growth retarded, preemie at 4lbs. Less than an hour later, his birth mom had taken off, and abandoned him. Four weeks, and 10 oz later, he was allowed to come home with us. During that time his B/M had been tracked down, and asked to meet with us to talk about terminating her parental rights.

A woman who frequently showed up late, drunk, or not at all to appointments that I drove over 25 miles each way to get to, in the freezing cold with a new born baby. It was disheartening. However, there were things about her that I liked. We actually bonded, even though she really had no interest in the baby, but she seemed almost desperate for friends.

The B/M (birth mom) was given a lawyer, who told her she should demand visitation & letters/photos. We agreed, and on Feb 11th 2005 she signed away parental rights, and we signed an adoption agreement. I couldn't believe it.

When we went into foster care, it was because we both felt strongly that we could help out, and provide a safe, stable home for some kids. We did limit it to only teenage boys (because my husband has a lot of experience through sports with them), and getting the call about our newborn son was really a total fluke.

So we've been waiting patiently since Feb 11th 2005, until today - August 2nd, 2006. The wheels of justice don't exactly move quickly, but that's ok. It's happening today. The inlaws have flown back in for it, my best friends are coming out for it, and we're having a huge pool party at our house afterwards.

Today is probably even more important, and exciting than my marriage on May 27th, 1994. Our son is now 22 months old.