I think Freecycle and Craigs List SUCK!!!

I've tried numerous times giving stuff away for free on our local freecycle and CL sites only to stay home answering a shitload of e-mail from people who NEVER show up. Today alone I listed a recumbant health rider stationary bike, a box of spices & vinegars & various un-opened food items, and a box of toddler plates, sippy cups, gerber cereals, and jars of babyfood (unopened) etc., from cleaning out my kitchen pantry and cupboards. I rec'd 20+ emails, all said they'd be here by 5pm, and no one has yet showed.

I don't know WHAT I was thinking. I had previously once before tried the freecycle thing - and listed new baby clothes, a brand new single bed, baby vibrating seat, 3 boxes of gently used 6-12 month old clothes, a nojo sling and some other stuff... took pics of all of it, after laundering it and putting it neatly into boxes, and then listed it all with great descriptions and pictures.

I got tons of emails asking questions that I'd clearly answered in my original posts but they were just too lazy or stupid to read to begin with.. I got stood up all day long, and continually answered e-mails, and gave out directions to my home. Finally that day at 4.30pm, I'd had enough, and just left all the stuff on the step, in clearly marked boxes, with individual names on them, needing to go the grocery store at dinner time. I had one person come by and take it all, and then a few minutes later, had another person show up, looking for her stuff, only to find out that it was already taken... and boy was she mad at me! (She was 5 hours later than she said she'd be)!! My husband arrived home at the same time she got there, and she gave him an ear bashing, and he called my cell phone to have her speak with me... poor guy, knew nothing about anything, and wondered why this woman was at our house to begin with!

So against my better judgement, and because my kids are sick and I couldn't go anywhere even if I wanted to, I gave it another go! Plus I truly believe that the more you give, the more comes back to you (to clutter up your space) -- karma and all that!

I also believe that it's wrong to just stick everything in landfills, when another person might get great use out of it.... but here we are again, almost 6pm, and I've done nothing but take pictures, list stuff, and respond to stupid e-mails, and give out a ton of directions to my place & all the stuff is still sitting here cluttering up my hallway!!!

I could have spent the time and cleaned out more cupboards, and just thrown all this crap in the damn bin!

Sorry for the rant... I live in the suburbs of Washington DC in MD, so if anyone wants any of the above, PLEASE get in touch!!! I'm begging you to take it!! Seriously stressed...

BTW - why does freecycle not allow you to list your address in your OFFER post -they kicked it back and said I had to remove it, and give a "general" location.... what the heck is wrong with putting it on your doorstep, and letting whoever gets here first take it? No silly emails to answer, and I'd happily post that it was picked up asap.

He slept in our bed...

My son had therapy yesterday morning (OT & Speech) and he was just not acting himself. Very quiet, and reserved, and wanting to snuggle with me. I should have known it didn't bode well. Not even the pictures of cows and ducks could get his attention, and he certainly didn't want to "talk" or sign.

After both therapy sessions were done, I made lunch, and got everyone ready for naptime. When I took both kids up to their rooms, that's when I noticed... he'd been sick in his bed sometime that night and there was puke all hardened over his sleeping bag, duvet and pillow... GROSS! So before I could lay him down, I had to strip the bed, and remake it. (If I was a better mommy, I would actually make both their beds in the morning when they get up --- however, it's all I can do to make my own).

For the first time in a LONG time, my son slept for 2 and a half hours during "naptime". By 4pm, he was still mellow, but was eating, and walking around. I should have known better, but I really wanted to go to spinning class, and as I've had to blow it off over the last few weeks, I decided that we'd get loaded up in the car, and drive on over to the gym. 30 minutes later after being stuck in traffic, we pulled into the parking garage. He decided that was as good a time as any to projectile vomit all over himself, the car seat, and me... EVEN GROSSER!! So, I got out, cleaned him up as best as I could, and turned the car around. It took us almost an hour to get home because of rush hour traffic (9 miles) and as we passed the last light before turning down our street, he vomited again....

So, we got into the house, changed clothes, I cleaned the car up, and "daddy" arrived just as we all collapsed on the couch in jammies. He too was feeling ill, so of course, that meant that I had to take care of the kids AND him. No one wanted dinner, even though I'd actually spent the time during their nap chopping onions, tomatoes, browning meat and getting everything ready to have tacos. (All the while in between that, I'd also been cleaning the insides and outsides of my windows, and had hand washed a pair of curtains)!!!! Has anyone ever noticed that when it's sunny, and snow on the ground, your windows are REALLY REALLY REALLY DIRTY??? Mine were absolutely disgusting. Not to mention, they've suddenly become foggy inside - so the gas seal in the double glazing is obviously broken (in about 20 windows no less)...

Anyway, I took care of everyone until 8pm, and then banished them all to bed. I then cleaned up the kitchen, put dinner in the fridge, fed the dogs, did a load of washing, and vegged on the couch playing online until midnight. After getting ready for bed, I always go in and tuck the kids in again... I was just about to cover my son up, when I noticed more vomit.. all over the place. I had to wake him up get him out of his jammies, into clean ones, and I just couldn't face stripping and making his damn bed yet again... so for the first time in his life I took him to bed with me......

How do people co-sleep with their children? I was awake all night, cause he was awake most of the night, I was paranoid about my husband smothering him, and everytime one of them groaned, I was sure I was going to get puked on. At 5.30 this morning I was exhausted. By then so was my son, so for about the next 3 hours we actually did get some sleep, until my daughter woke us up with her crying...

I'm sick of poop, puke and runny noses. I'm sick of doing laundry. I'm sick of constantly cleaning up behind everyone! I also really suck at this whole parenting thing - I don't know what to feed him - the only thing I could come up with was toast, with just a little butter on it, O's, and iced water. He seems to be soooo thirsty, but I didn't want to give him soy milk, and have him throw it back up... he doesn't like pedialyte, but does like ice pops -- is it ok to give him an ice pop? Does he have the flu? Is he supposed to go see the DR? Or is it just some 24/48 hour thing that will pass on it's own...?

I'm seriously stressed....

Footprints in the snow..

Who on earth is following me? What's with all these footprints? OK, I'm now totally fed up with all this snow. Having two kids and not being able to leave the house is stressful!

Mommy's little helper..

So I sent him out to clear off the driveway, with this useless shovel... he did quite a good job don't you think??

Anna Nicole Smith - does it get any crazier?

Howard K. Stern, Larry Birkhead and Anna's mom Virgie Arthur are back in court right now to battle over what will happen with Anna Nicole Smith's body.

To watch the hearing unfold, click here for a live feed from Miami's WTVJ.

Do other women get depressed over this kinda stuff?

Another mommy on our mailing list was venting today and said this:

My husband mentioned how he hates to see that I am
not happy. I am happy (ok, a little depression & hormones hit
every now and then and I do greatly appreciate my life but I am
always trying to add more or do more.... I want to volunteer in the
community, improve my environmental inpact, meet new women, do more crafts,
improve our home - little by little. This does not mean I'm not happy
- I'm just not happy when I am sitting idle..... so, he sites my
recently buying some organic foods as an example of how I jump around from
issue to issue.... I feel like I put so much of myself quietly
aside so as not to rock any boats in this house, this life - I want so badly to
buy organic and do things right environmentally - but I don't because of the
expense. And I don't say anything either. And then I feel like
I am losing myself.....And now no one is talking to each other - over something
so stupid!

I felt like I had to write her back, and it just sorta grew into this huge post from there! I have yet to find out who I am, and what makes me tick, and what my "purpose" here is. How many other women are just watching life go by, and not really enjoying or experiencing it?

I don't know what "happiness" really is, watching Oprah and this whole "The Secret" stuff is fascinating to me, but part of me holds back thinking, well of course Oprah is happy - what the hell could possibly depress her on a daily basis? I mean come on... she's now thin, and has gobs and gobs of money, and her own tv show, magazine, and now a school for gawds sake! How could she NOT be happy with all that?

There must obviously be something to "like attracting like", because for so long, I told myself that I was fantastically productive, and that I could make money hand over fist, and I did.. while I was doing it. When the kids came along, the chatter in my head started changing - it was more like "How on earth am I possibly going to cope"... "I'm going to be overwhelmed"..."my life is going to suck".... AND NOW, lo and behold, I seem to be right in the middle of each of those.

What confuses me, is HOW do you turn it around? How can you start thinking positive, healthy thoughts, when you're so negative, twisted and angry inside? Please someone, tell me!!! Intellectually, I realise that it probably works, but how do I start it? Being at home full time, with my kids, and living on a teachers salary, wondering what I'm supposed to do with myself, MY life, MY dreams, and loving and raising a happy, healthy family, is overwhelming me, and making me constantly anxious.

I too am an organic shopper, however, now that we're down to a one income family, there's just some stuff I won't / can't pay the extra money for.

I never understand why organic & healthy eating is soooo expensive. It costs me a fortune when I go to Whole Foods. I've now come to feel that for some products, you just don't need to buy organically (unless you FEEL VERY STRONGLY ABOUT THE WHOLE PROCESS). I wouldn't consider myself a hard core activist or anything, but I do try to recycle, and I'd like for my family to eat healthy products.

Stuff like bananas & Avocados - I still buy those at the regular grocery store - because we're taking the skin off, and they each have super thick skins, so the chances of pesticides penetrating the fruit, are slim to none - right?

I always buy organic for eggs (and yes these wind up being twice or three times more the price of regular old eggs), but the idea that these cute, fluffy, clean chickens are roaming around a big open field, and not being shot up with antibiotics etc., is floating around in my mind someplace!

My milk is always organic - I don't need the growth hormones adding to my already fairly large & bulky behind, and my kids drink soy milk. Things like fish & meats are always organic for the same healthy reasons.

All of our whole wheat pasta, cereals, whole wheat breads, salad mixes, and other fruits & veggies - like apples, grapes (and stuff we eat with the skin on), potatoes & onions are organic.

I'm obviously not the world's best activist - I use the regular grocery store to buy the triple thick toilet paper, brawny kitchen towels, pine sol, and floor cleaner, dried lentils/beans, canned tomatoes, spaghetti sauce, Edy's fruit pops, and stuff like dog food, and cat litter etc.,

My MIL asked last night if I'd like her mink fur coat - I acted horrified and said that I wasn't really the fur coat kinda girl, and didn't want to wear a dead animal hide on my back. Just now she sent me a photo and said I should try to ebay it - because she bought it in Europe, has worn it once, and it was $8K ~ so now I'm thinking that I have no problem selling it & looking at it in the photo - it is actually really nice looking... Obviously my activism is selective.

Really having to use a budget now for shopping, not only depresses me, but has WAY curtailed my "craft" trips & "target" trips. I no longer just go off to buy the kids stuff at toys r us, and instead of buying them Barney & Thomas DVDS, I've started setting up the tivo to record those daily episodes on WETA & our other cable channels!! I've also found Craigslist! It does however make me feel kinda dumb, I mean I don't really know how to "save" money, unless you have lots of it left over from paying your bills. At this point in our life, we certainly don't have anything left over. I don't know how to "coupon" or "sale" shop. I looked through the coupons today - I don't buy most of the stuff that they had coupons for. I don't think I've ever seen anything on sale at Whole Foods Market, and they certainly don't have 10 for $10 deals.

I think trying to improve your home is always worth your time, and money - hopefully saving your receipts so when you eventually sell, you can show what you've put into the house or landscaping. I desperately need new family room carpet, (although in 6 years that we've been here it's been replaced at least 6 times, but not at all in the last two yrs)... and for some reason, almost all of our double glazed windows, have the seals broken inside of them, and they're foggy - but I don't have an extra $20,000 to replace them, and it totally depresses me -- (and why do I have a husband, who has no idea HOW COME THIS HAPPENS, or how to fix them himself!!)

My husband however certainly doesn't get depressed over silly things like that. My husband could care less if the dogs track mud into the carpet, or if he does with his rugby cleats. It's just not a big deal. It's no big deal to have the kitchen floor feel sticky when you walk across it. It's certainly nothing to get upset with him over... BUT It IS A BIG DEAL TO ME, and things like that for some reason are what depress me & put me in a bad bloody mood.

I've spent this morning yet again, changing beds, vacuming, and mopping the floors. When I was done, my daughter spilled her entire cup of juice all over the kitchen floor, so I had to re-do it. I was making home made lentil soup this morning in the crock pot for lunch, and the kids decided it would be fun to take all the chick peas out of their bowls at lunch, and throw them across the kitchen... AAARRRGGGH!!!

For me, I have to learn to not talk about things right there and then and in the heat of the moment. I TRY desperately to keep my mouth shut and fume inside -- however, most of the time I just flip - like a switch. Booooom - and off I go on a rant. I hear myself doing it, and I just can't bloody stop! I hate myself afterwards, and I TRY TRY TRY like in a few days and when we're alone, to sit close together, holding each other's hands, and taking turns to talk. The way I hear *most* adults are able to do. I don't know why I can't censor myself at the time of the event, and I don't understand my impulse control switch, and where it is, so that I could scale it back, or turn it off altogether!

I realise also that we all have good days, and bad days. The hardest thing for me has been losing the means with which to support not only myself, but my whole family, and losing my independance of doing what I want, when I want, and losing almost an entire phone book of friends who don't have kids!!! I almost feel "trapped" at times.

Before our kids, my husband and I led our joint life together, and then also led these independant lives by ourselves. He had his rugby & football, and workouts, and I had my going wherever the mood took me - Sedona AZ to a spa, Tahoe for skiing, NYC to shop, and off I'd go after organizing a few girlfriends into it. I would spend oodles of weekends at the beach every summer, drinking, tanning, antique shopping... and sometimes a whole week went by without seeing my husband. I personally think that SOOOOO helped our marriage - we were so excited when we saw one another again. I also would come home to a clean house, because the housecleaner and I would arrange our schedules that way!

I want nothing more than to just hop online and buy a ticket to vegas and go gamble, shop and see a few shows. It depresses me knowing I would first have to save up some extra money, find daycare, sort life out for everyone, and possibly even fly my inlaws here before I could just go take off. Do I sound like a total bitch? Am I just totally materialistic?

It pisses me off that now not only am I the housekeeper, the one who primarily raises the children, and the one who makes sure everyone elses' needs are taken care of, but I don't see it getting better anytime soon. That's depressing & stressful.

I don't know that I don't want to be Betty Crocker, or June Cleaver, or if it's really more that I can't possibly live up to that "ideal" - I don't know how to do most of these "mommy" and "wifey" things. I can't bake my own cake, and sometimes dinner is microwavable. That makes me feel like a failure as a mother, and therefore stresses me out even more!! It's like a vicious circle!

Anyone have any comments or advice to add?

I had to put my dog down today....

ZEUS

God, it's just been a really crap day for me. I'm still feeling yucky from having the cold/flu thing that I've got, but on top of it all I had to take my favorite dog and have him put to sleep today.

It would have been his 14th birthday in 2 days, and I've had him since he was 8 weeks old. I rescued him from an abusive military home where the guy had been beating him and his brothers and sisters since they were born. His wife had called my Vet in tears explaining the situation, and the vet who was a friend, called me, as she knew I'd been looking to find a male chow chow to go along with my female chow chow.

When I brought him home he was like a little miniature bear cub, all wrinkles and fuzzy fur. He was adorable. That night when my then boyfriend came over to visit, Zeus took one look at him, and peed himself, and ran away. It was obvious he was just going to make this association that men are bad.

It was really tough going between Zeus and my husband right from the start. Zeus was my fierce defender, and couldn't sometimes understand us "wrestling" lol, and he'd get his heckles up. It took at least a year before he stopped wetting himself every time any guy was around, and as he got older, and bigger, it would be hard to take him out, because he'd either be cowering around strange men, or trying to strain at the leash to attack them.

Throughout all of this though, he loved me so much, and just constantly wanted to shower me with kisses, or lay on my feet.

When both chows were about 3 years old, we decided to have them spayed/neutered while we went overseas to visit my family for a week at Xmas. We put them into the only "hospital" that also did boarding, and left them.

As I got off the plane a week later, my cell phone rang and my MIL asked to speak to my husband. She was calling to tell him that my female chow chow had died while under the care of the animal hospital, and she hadn't wanted to call us the day it happened. Apparently, even though I'd paid them 3 times the regular rate (because it was Xmas, and I wanted to make sure both my dogs were walked and played with 3 times a day), and they had assured me they would, she "ate" through her stitches, and kept eating until she'd eaten her own stomach lining.

It was awful. I actually had to be sedated when I looked in the "drawer" to say goodbye to her. My MIL had told them on the phone that they'd better not dispose of the body until I got there.

Poor Zeus, looked like a war torn trauma victim, and was in shock in this awful concrete cage, where they'd been hosing him down with freezing cold water, so he was wet, shaking and scared out of his mind. It was an awful awful day. There went all the work I'd put forth for the previous 3 years, helping him to overcome his fears.
So it was just the three of us.

As the years went on, I purchased a female yellow lab for my husband's birthday about a year later. About 3 years after that we fell in love with this gorgeous yellow male lab and bought him.

At 5 months old, he got our female pregnant (even though our vet had assured us we didn't have to worry, as he wasn't "mature" enough yet...) so 63 days later we had our first litter of Labrador pups. Zeus totally didn't know what to make of them, and as soon as they were able to walk/run, they would chase him all over the house. He would lay down with them and groom them, it was soooo sweet.

So fast forward to today - we have a 5 year old male lab, and 8 year old female lab, and we had Zeus. We also have two toddlers, who he was soooo sweet with. He would lay next to their bassinet anytime he could. He would go out of his way gently to make sure he didn't knock them down, unlike our labs who barrel past them like a tornado, always knocking them down.

Right before Xmas Zeus attacked my husband, badly....

Me and the kids had been at the gym, and my hubbie was getting ready to go to a game, and running late. As he was loading up his truck, Zeus wandered outside. Being that he's a chow chow, and hates guys, he certainly didn't want to listen when hubby told him to get back in the house. So... my husband grabbed at his collar, and Zeus went for him, giving him a warning nip on one hand. That was too much for my husband to take, and he pushed the dog down to the ground forcefully, yelling at him, and as he again grabbed his collar to drag him in the house, Zeus lost it, and attacked him.

My husband had his cell phone in his pocket and called me.. he was spurting blood everywhere, and he actually thought he might not make it. He'd called 911 first. He was basically ringing to tell me he loved me, and the kids, and to say goodbye.
I must have ran 4 red lights that day, all the while getting my husband to stay lucid and on the phone - he was laying in our front yard, and he could barely talk. I pulled onto my street just as the ambulance was about ready to leave. They told me were they were taking him, and told me to follow.

As I walked up my path, it was like a scene from a movie, there was blood all over my front door, and the steps, tons of it - I don't think I've ever seen that much blood in real life.

Anyway, I made it to the hospital, while my best friend cleaned up the mess and looked after the kids. When I got there the outlook wasn't bright. He had severe tendon damage, and the various puncture wounds were so deep that you could look down into them. They talked about him possibly losing his hand, and definitely needing plastic surgery.

It was a nightmare. On one hand I wanted to blame him for being rough with the dog, and on the other, I realized that the dogs issues were major, and not to mention we now had two babies to think about. I also remember thinking, omg what if this guy that I love so much dies.

He had to go to the hospital daily for 2 weeks to get the bandages changed twice a day. He was on major drugs for about 4 weeks for the pain. He had to sleep with his arm above his head, and try during the day to keep it above his heart as often as possible to help the massive swelling and bleeding to stop.

During the 3rd week, we got the word from the plastic surgeon that he wasn't going to lose his hand, but he would definitely have nerve damage from it. They brought me in to show me how to do all the cleaning, and coverings so I could do it at home. That first night I had to do it, I actually unwrapped his hand, and suddenly the room was spinning and I fainted.

I'd never actually looked at it before, but it was GROSS. Ooozing yellow crap, and wide open holes that I could literally see right into. I had to wash it, dry it, put the ointments on, and then take this stuff that I had to cut up, and lay directly over each wound. Then I had to put gauze pads on top of those. Then I had to wrap the gauze strips around his hand, put the splint on, and then there were two different wraps that went on top of that. We had to buy tons of this stuff, cause he was still bleeding and oozing stuff all over it. It was a nightmare. It was also Xmas, and his family were coming into town.

I would feel bad that I hadn't already taken the dog to get him put down, but it was the holiday's and I just couldn't do it. January came and went, and I just thought if we didn't mention it, it would be ok. My husband avoided the dog at all costs.

I just kept telling myself that I'd do it soon.... until last night... my son tripped over him while running away from his sister, and the chow attacked him. He went to bite him on the face, but didn't pierce the skin. Obviously a "warning nip" or it was because I was sitting right there. Who knows?

I couldn't take another chance though. I'd never be able to live with myself if he'd mauled one of the kids.

So today was the day. When I took him out of the truck, he started shaking. It was like he knew this wasn't going to be good. When we went inside, he tried desperately to get me to leave again. The vet allowed me to come into the room and be with him, so while I held his head, and hung onto him, they stuck him with a needle, and sedated him, until he lost all power of his muscles, and he just laid down on my feet.

They then picked him up and tried giving him the stupid lethal injection in his front paws - but because he's 70lbs and sturdy, and furry as a big bear, they couldn't get it in the vein. So all the time I'm holding his face and talking to him, and all he can do is lick me... because he's so drugged up, and probably scared shit-less. They realise that it's not going to work, and they decide they have to put it straight into his heart. They rolled him over, and essentially stabbed the needle through his chest. It was awful.

When they did it, they said he'd give one big last sigh, as he expelled all the air out, but even though they said his heart had stopped, he was still fighting & panting to get air in his lungs... and it seemed to take a really long time... As I looked at him, I realised that even though his eyes had been open during all of this, and they were still open, that he was definitely dead.

God I can't believe I'm writing this. Anyway, it was tough, and I've just had a rough day with it. I had to go there by myself and leave without part of me. 14 years is a long time, and I don't even know if I did the right thing. I know I shouldn't be, but I'm mad at my husband. I've been crying all day, and I guess falling asleep from the sheer exhaustion of it all.

I think I've been in a funk since Xmas because I just didn't want to do this. I didn't want to kill my dog, and I didn't want to "choose" between the dog, my kids and my husband. I'm totally stressed out about the whole thing.

Uuuugggghhh... I'm getting fatter.. moving on

OK, excuse time.... it's been really, really, really cold here recently, (I can't walk outside with the kids, because their little noses and fingers get frozen off) and prior to the beginning of January when it went way below 45 degrees, I was on such a roll exercising my tail off. I'd gone from a whopping 252lbs on August 15th 06, to 185lbs. Since the middle of January, I've not lost anything, and some day's I've bounced up as high as 187lbs.

I can't just blame the cold though - I have a gym membership, where I used to go to spinning classes 4 - 5 times a week. Haven't done that either. In fact this past Sunday was the first time I'd been in all of February. I also used to workout in the house, running the stairs, doing abs, lifting weights and lots more, and I've just stopped cold turkey. What's up with that? I feel like I might be slipping into a funk of some sort, and boy do I hate the winter & especially snow! Baaa Hum bug!

I also was really good about reading everything on sparkpeople.com and picking up healthy magazines, which I'd then clip and put into a journal of sorts - more inspirational, and how to kinda things.... and I really enjoyed doing it, but... I've not that in EONS either. I've also been meaning to put together a home journal, where I keep all of our important info, but even though I have all the materials sitting, I've not gone and typed up the forms I've needed.

In fact it seems that whatever spare time I actually have now, I've been hunkered down with my laptop, taking part in stupid gossip with rivaling moms groups! LOL, it seems to stupid, (not to mention high schoolish) and believe me, yesterday morning I had a lightbulb moment. I'm not benefiting in any way by being part of the whole "take down DCMM". I'm also sick and tired of reading all the cattiness & crap that's now on the "new" rivals MDCM yahoo group. In fact all of the negative energy has worked it's way into me in the form of a flu or cold virus thingy.

I actually can't believe how much time I invested in being angry, and I want to stop it now. I actually have a group of moms, who enjoy socializing, and appear to be drama free for the most part. My involvement only has to be a few minutes per day while I check the calendar, and see if me and my kids are off to meet them to do something fun, or to check when the next moms night out will be coming up. I don't need to spend ooodles of time, but... while my kids are sleeping, I can get in a quick workout, and then get back on track with my work outs at the gym. At least until the cold weather clears up and we can then hit the local trails with our new double jogging stroller!!

I have got to get off this chair & get my ass moving!! OK, I'm off to practice some fly lady -- making my bed, which I've been in since Tuesday night!!

My mommy really is a drunk...!!

SO... Meredith Vieria is probably loving this newest story! Especially after her seriously eschewed Jan 26th segment on mom's drinking during play dates. (See video from that show here).

HOWEVER, this is NOT what I (or any of the other "responsible" drinking moms who've blogged about this) meant while defending our RIGHT to have a drink now and then, (whilst in charge of the kiddies)! You can read my previous rantings here!

Supreme Court Justice's daughter facing DUI and child endangerment charges! God look at the mugshot picture of her - she's even got that "rosy" broken capillary look about her.... thank you smoking gun!

She obviously only had the "liquid" lunch... and didn't follow the cardinal mommy rule of making sure you wolf down a big mac and greasy fries while consuming your hard alcohol, before getting your kids strapped into their car seats!! God! She's soooo stupid...... No wait, she's so an alcoholic.

Previous mommy bloggers who've covered this topic:
Suburban Bliss

Dooce
The Zero Boss

So now I've got *their* cold... YUCK!

Well I guess I should be thankful for small mercies that with two kids who've been sick off and on since November, that I've lasted this long before succumbing to it!

My "valentine's" day has so far been spent in bed (thankfully hubby had a snow day), with some beautiful red roses in a vase next to me, and breakfast in bed. I look frightful. I have this big red stuffy nose thing going on, and I'm laying under the covers wearing fleece lined sweat pants, and a hooded jumper, along with pink furry ugg boots. Just what your husband wants to wake up to, on an impromptu day off, and valentine's day no less... oh well! Oh and did I mention I've still got my damn period?

I struggled to get myself into the shower - feeling very fuzzy in the head department... I managed to get myself quite high last night (unintentionally people), but I didn't really stop to think what would happen to someone who takes 40 mg of Focalin for her ADD, two of those Mucinex pills, and then to be sure I'd sleep a 3 mg lunesta. I could barely walk up my stairs! Totally spacey (although a little interesting)... and god I had the best night's sleep EVER. I don't really ever sleep well, and when I'm not feeling good, forget about it, I'm miserable because I can't sleep, and I'm miserable because I can't breathe or lay down to try and sleep!!

I ran out to CVS last night to pick up the mucinex -- you have to show your id now for it.. I guess they thought I'd be trying to snort it, or get high on it... silly buggers. ;-)

While at CVS I was assaulted by all the damn red and pink blingy stuff that was hanging from every square inch of space in the store, not too mention all the crowds of people who were there buying sucky chocolate (come on.. if you're going to eat the calories, at least get the good stuff - Russel Stovers is SO NOT the good stuff....) but people were buying it in volumes.

I don't know about you, but I really don't want flowers, or dinner, ok I'd probably eat some good truffles, but what I'd really like is to wake up to sparkling clean toiletsthat were freshly scrubbed, none of his or the kids clothes on the floor, but in their own hampers, dishes washed, and actually put away, instead of just sitting on top of the dishwasher, and my kids in "his" own clothing, and my daughter in "her" own clothing. Right now, my son is wearing my daughters winter white cable sweater....??? and my daughter is wearing her brother's navy blue hooded fleece. My husband really doesn't get the whole individual clothes thing...

I sound sooooo whiney --- I should be saying how wonderful it is that he got the kids up, dressed in something, and fed, and here we are 5 hours later, and they're still walking, talking, and uninjured! I did say thank you for the flowers and breakfast in bed ;-)

If you're not sure about mixing pills - check this out -

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Mom's night out...

I belong to a new moms group & last night we all went on a girly night out on the town! It was soooo much fun. Just getting away from the kids (who I'm with from 5.45am till 8.30pm) was awesome! Having someone other than my husband to talk to was fantastic! Being able to de-stress with a beer was outta this world! The girls were great! Each of them were so interesting. We had great conversation, a nice meal, and I came home feeling something other than a stay at home mom.
I had really sort of lost myself. My entire life for the last 2 and a half years has revolved around looking after the kids, and this once amazingly spontaneous, fun, and varied life that I had for myself was gone in the blink of an eye. Literally. We were called a few hours after our son was born, and asked if we were interested in taking him. He spent 3 weeks in hospital gaining weight, detoxing from drugs & alcohol poisioning and getting over a very shakey start to his life before he came home with us. I had exactly those three weeks to prepare for him ~ talk about a crazy time in our life!

I owned my own business, with a brick and mortar storefront, and of course once he came home, I wanted nothing more than to spend ALL my time with him. I took him to work with me for about 3 months, but hated every minute of it, and was accomplishing nothing. I decided, hastily, that it was not right for me to continue working, and instead of looking for a buyer, I just closed up shop. I brought everything back to my house, and just basically went out of business. At that time, I had no idea just how foolish financially this really was... but oh well, we live and learn right?

All of my time was devoted to getting him the best care medically that we could, and by about his 6 month birthday he was having various OT & PT sessions once or twice a week. He was very delayed, had lots of feeding issues & was sooooooo tiny. He was also terribly angry, obviously hurting, and the connections in his little war torn body were just not firing correctly. We were also told he had Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, possible mental retardation, ADHD, bi-polar, some mild form of autism & a bunch of other not very nice "labels".

From the time he was about 14 months in addition to OT & PT we also were advised to add in speech therapy and sign language. So I spend most weeks doing 4 sessions of therapy with him & his "staff". To say that it's been stressful and busy would be an understatement.

On top of all that I have another child, who I'm concerned is not getting all the attention she deserves. She's so easy going, independant & self sufficient, that at times I realise that she's getting ignored, but everything is consumed by my son, and his issues. When they finally go to bed at night, I have to chart his progress, keep his food journal, and try to learn as much as I can about babies born to alcoholics & drug addicts, FAS, bi-polar, and ADD.

Literally until a few weeks ago I had no idea that I could actually connect with decent, fun, interesting women who are also moms. I joined a couple of online parenting groups, and mommy n me type things, but the women that I kept meeting were "out to lunch" to say the least. It's like since they became mommies they no longer have a mind of their own, an opinion of their own, or a life of their own. They certainly don't want to do anything outside of their home, without their children present. They have get togethers for "scrapbooking" at one anothers homes & don't drink, don't swear, and only want to discuss their children.

Now, you might be thinking that I'm a raging alcoholic with tourettes syndrome, but I'm not... and maybe it's just me, but after spending 13 or 14 hours a day with my kids, I can't wait to be able to make new friends and go hang out. I feel like I've "dumbed down" since I no longer work, and I'm not around any other adults. I feel that part of me is just missing. I have nothing against scrapbooking (I occasionally try to stick my photos of the kids in books too, or at least modge podge them to the inside of the cupboard doors) but I do it alone, and just don't want to get together to swap stickers, and talk about how cute all the kids are! I have no problems with those of you who choose not to drink - I just don't want to be preached at if I order a glass of red wine with dinner. Occasionally after the 50th time that day my kids have thrown their cup of milk all over the house, I sometimes slip up and let out an "Oh Shit".

The women that I'd previously met also were big church goers of various religions, however, all with a definite need to try and "convert" the newbie (me). At this point in my life, I've realised that I don't actually believe in the God thing, or the higher power, and am more of a be good to others, and good things will happen to you kinda girl. Those viewpoints didn't go down well. I have no problem with other people's religion either - in fact I was brought up in Ireland, with a mum who was protestant, and a father who was Catholic. I was baptised, confirmed and went to some form of church & sunday school every Sunday until I left home. So I now know organized religion when I see it. My husband when he has time goes to church. I don't even mind going with him - on holiday's. I just happen to I guess be an Athiest, or a humanist would be more on target.

I'm digressing... I basically was made to feel like a "terrible parent" or some kind of freak when I suggested that we all go out for margaritas, and watch a "drag queen" show. I thought that it would be hilariously funny, but the consensous of the moral majority was that it wasn't. SO, being the take no bullshit (whoops, sorry) kinda chick that I am, I decided I'd start my own group - for "hip" mommies - or just those of us, that believe it is ok to go out without the kids, have a childfree zone in our bedrooms, and are up for getting drunk once in a while!

In 3 weeks, we've grown in our own little local area, to over 180 strong! LOL!!! If you really want to read ALL the drama that led up to it, I've got a post just for you!

Anna Nicole Smith - Dead...

From the outside it's hard to understand why someone who was once a guess jeans model, a playboy bunny, an E Channel reality tv star, a movie star, a PETA & Trimspa spokesperson and a billionaires widow could wake up every day feeling depressed, or wanting to escape the reality of her life through drugs.

Forbes has previously estimated that the 89 year old oil tycoon husband was worth about $550 MILLION when he died, and there was talk of his entire estate being worth about $1.6 BILLION.

When you have been compared as a look-a-like to "Jayne Mansfield" & "Marilyn Monroe" & have led a life that is outside of the norm, you're not *supposed* to be depressed, or feel unhappy about yourself. You're not supposed to self medicate with drugs and alcohol. When you're being ridiculed & taunted for your lifestyle, your choices, your 80lb + weight gains and losses; slurring your speech publicly during various interviews doesn't seem like such a big deal. I'd probably drink a few before going on stage at the MTV award show.

Now perhaps, if she'd stayed the girl who dropped out of high school in 11th grade, who'd worked at a fried chicken joint & Walmart, gotten knocked up and began a "career" working as a stripper, raising a kid on her own, AND been a nobody, THEN people agree that yeah you've got a right to be depressed, and don't really give a shit what it is you're shoving up your nose, or injesting like M&M's. In fact, that's almost accepted more by society.

To say that she's had a rough year or so, would be an understatment. Just 5 months ago was the birth of her daughter, and just 3 days after that, the death of her son. Less than 2 weeks later she "marries" Howard K Stern - her longtime "attorney" (not Sirius Radio shock jock). She's living in a home that is apparantly not hers, and there is talk of eviction. She's had to pay for various law suits, and has never yet collected on the old man's money. The paternity of her daughter is in question with Larry Birkhead claiming that the baby is his daughter. Anna Nichole's mother went on tv and claimed that Stern had something to do with Anna's sons death. Supermarket rags are probably standing by to publish photos of her, dead, being carried out of the hotel and from the autopsy that will no doubt be carried out. There's probably a hunt on right this minute to find her daughter, and splash her all over the media...

Now all that would make anyone depressed.

God it sucks when the kids are sick!

The last two days have been totally stressful ~ my kids have both got horrendously snotty noses that they both can't quit rubbing with their hands, or letting the goop drip over everything. It's disgusting. What's even worse is when they wake up in the morning - it's (greenish brown boogers) hardened all over their little faces, gluing their hair onto their face, or crudded onto their lips! YUCK!

I haven't really been able to go anywhere because they have both been totally miserable, whiney, and acting totally pathetic. It's like nails on a chalk board when I watch them throwing themselves on the floor and beating their little snot covered fists against my freshly polished hardwood floors.

They haven't wanted to have their afternoon nap for the last two days, and God, I really need that one hour to myself. It's when I grab a bite to eat, check my e-mail, and pee. It's my one chunk of sanity for the day.

I also have been a really bad mommy in the junk food war. When they are sick like this, they don't want to eat healthy food, so I buckle and give them a cookie - cause I don't want them fading away to nothing... Normally I try to not give them anything other than organic fruit juice cookies, but I also buy nutter butters to help my son get the extra protein from the peanut butter. They sometimes come in boxes with mini oreos ;-) and god when you're a mommy there is nothing better than an oreo fix around 3pm in the afternoon.

OK, it's time to head upstairs and pop a lunesta. It's been 3 nights since I've slept. Has anyone noticed that they taste awful? Metallic almost. Disgusting.

Well shit, I've gone and got myself banned...from DCMM (DC METRO MOMS)

What the hell is up with me? In the space of a day, I've pissed off more people than George Bush.

Yesterday I get this email from the person I guess is the owner of DCMM and it's to all the moderators of all her yahoo groups (of which I'm The Rockville Chapter DCMM Moderator).

(It's like she's got some sorta little mommy-dom thing going on)...

----- Original Message ---- From: Toni Hansen <hungrybug@gmail.com>
To: DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com
Cc: Jennifer Zaranis <jennifer.zaranis@verizon.net>
Sent: Monday, February 5, 2007 5:52:19 PM
Subject: [DCMMTeam] Email Settings Requirements for Team Site

Attention All Chapter Chairs and Subgroup Moderators,We seem to be having quite a few members not setting their email settings for this group to individual emails recently.***It is very important that all members are aware of all DCMM happenings and up to speed on a regular basis.*** We would like to put the following guidelines in place regarding email settings. 1) The first request you will receive a warning via email.2) The second request will receive a final warning via email.3) The third request your chair privileges will be revoked or if you are a subgroup moderator the subgroup will no longer be affiliated with DCMM. Any questions regarding this please contact myself and Jennifer directly. ToniDCMM Owner/Moderator

**************
So, I wrote the following:

Tony, I'm sorry, I can't stand it anymore. There are just way too many rules & consequences. I'm so much a go with the flow kinda girl & not real organized. I hate feeling like I'm about to be "reprimanded" and cracked across my knuckles with a ruler! Or worse yet.. banished into cyber space! If this is going to actually be the rule that is enforced, then Please go ahead and remove me as moderator.

I need to read my group email in digest version, or on the web. I have serious ADD and when my inbox gets swamped all day long, it just stresses me out. I am one of those people whose brain just works completely the opposite way to how it should, and to make it try and do something else is too much effort. For some reason 10 digest versions with 10 emails in them a piece, doesn't stress me out as much as seeing 100 individual emails!

I hope that you'll allow me to stay a member of DCMM, because I think it's a great resource, and I appreciate all the work that you and the other volunteers put forth. God just staying on top of the summaries you want every month is a lot! It shows that it's a labour of love for all of you - especially the volunteers. I've also met some really terrific mums & would not have had that opportunity, had it not been for DCMM.

I love event planning & putting together fun activities for people to do with me, and my kids, and if it's ok, I'd like to still be able to do that with my local chapters. If not, I guess I'll be looking for another group to join!

******************

She responded with:

Team Members,
The email setting for this group has been like this for years. This is not something new at all.It is clearly stated on the home page and in the guidelines that you must set your email to individual emails and so far Julie you have met that requirement,so I am not really sure why you are questioning it.

I have contacted several members who have recently joined to remind them of the guideline and have reset their setting to go back a day or two later and see that it has been set back to no mail or daily etc. I typically only send messages sometimes several to remind members to set their settings to individual emails and they have no problems with it after at least one (either they didn't know etc.). Just recently several members have fallen into a rut where this doesn't work them and they don't even discuss it with myself and Jennifer after I have sent them a reminder notice,so in the best interest of the group,we set up the guidelines.

The monthly summary has been done for the chapters for several years as well. I am sorry if this too overwhelming for some of you,but this is the only way myself and Jennifer can keep up with what is going on in the groups and to help each other when our chapter or subgroup may not be active and seek advice from others. You can also gain suggestions for events etc to try in your chapter that worked well in another etc. It typically takes 10 minutes to fill out if even that.(if you are unsure how to find the information,I would be happy to walk you through it). I personally have to fill out four of them and a week is plenty of time to fill out one or two per chapter/per person and everyone knows it comes at the first of every month. I know we all volunteer for this including myself and Jennifer and I appreciate all your efforts in helping DCMM be a great asset to moms in the local area and on the main list.

If anyone feels that these tasks do not fit into their chapter chair or moderator role,please contact me directly and we can discuss further. Julie-If you wish to step down that is up to you,but we appreciate the time you helped with the Rockville Chapter.

Please contact Rubina if you would like to step down and she can post for a new co-chair if necessary. ToniDCMM Owner/Moderator

************

Then I wrote:

In a message dated 2/6/2007 12:01:16 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

Julie writes:

Toni, I realised that my mail setting had been changed a week or so ago, back to individual mail, and I was just going to go change it back... because this week in particular there's been a ton of messages welcoming new members, and banning people, and I'm just totally overwhelmed by the amount of seemingly unnecessary mail that I get - and it's not just from this group!! Most of these emails back and forth don't seem like "team" emails, or are totally necessary for me to read.

************

Finally someone else stood up and spoke up saying:

Re: [DCMMTeam] Email Settings Requirements for Team Site
FROM: AutografWD@...
I was planning to bring this up myself. I think this brings up an issue that probably needs to be talked about a little more before we dismiss a moderator for it. I don't blame you, Julie, for feeling overwhelmed with the amount of e-mail this month. I love e-mail and don't have much of a problem getting through it normally. But I have found the amount this month, with the addition of the club chairs, to be punishing. I am not reading any of them now because there is just too much. And therefore I am wondering what purpose it is servicing me to receive them? In fact, what is the total purpose of doing them if others are not reading mine either? (And out of curiosity, what is the info used for?)

I also reject the idea that you should leave your post just because you are feeling overwhelmed by the e-mail responsibility. As a moderator too, it is SUPER hard to find a good person to run a group. And if you are more social versus doing detailed reporting, then I think that is AWESOME for your chapter. Most chapter members don't even know that there are main list reporting and could care less. They joined because they want to meet people and have fun. And if you are filling that need for them, then I think you are doing your job. In my mind, all this main list reporting is secondary to running the chapter. And does it in fact serve the chapter members in anyway?

The fact that this is the way that reporting has been done for years, doesn't mean that we can't change some things. After all, the seems to be no issue making more rules on any given subject/day. Why can't we subtract some? I believe we should rethink the reporting and maybe all the moderators should have a voice in how this is done since we are on the front line between the main list and representing our chapter. I would like "reporting" to turn into more of an exchange of ideas and an outlet for support for the chapter. So I would like to hear if I am off base with this. Are other people feeling the same?

*************************
Then someone else:

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, Mandy wrote:
I have a question.. is this requirement up for discussion within the group? can we take a vote? I second Julies comments that many of these emails are not necessary to be read as they come thru.. if you do daily digest, they can be read daily as I am sure most of us are not watching our inbox for new messages the minute they arrive. I do have this setting becasue I was told to do so (actually I think someone changed it for me). But I still end up moving them to another folder and reading when I have time. Anyway.. I guess back to my original question.. is this something that the group can vote on or is this a things that is not up for discussion? Mandy

*************************
Then yet another person:

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, "Frances M. Hartnett Angara" wrote:
Please identify yourself so that we can contact you offline. For public discussion, I can swallow the new requirements if only I could set my e-mail to daily digest. Then I could skim through one daily e- mail instead of being confronted with several, most or all of which have no relevance for me as moderator of the knitting subgroup. Unfortunately I often can't judge whether they are relevant until I click them open. Gettin daily digest is like finding one newsletter in your mailbox as opposed to nine postcards. Frances Hartnett Angara Oak Hill, VA

***********************************

Then Mandy again:
--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, Mandy wrote: I agree.. I just delete othes posts when I see reporting info and all the banned stuff gets very overwhelming.. so again I just delete if I get too many or cannot go thru them all.. So I guess this get the same question I just sent out about the email settling. Can we vote on this? Can we make changes.. Many times we need rules and things set in stone in the beginning, but once things get up and running, they should be re-evaluated and possibly relaxed. Mandy

****************************

Finally Toni from DCMM writes:
--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, "Toni Hansen" wrote:
Yes,we can discuss the email setting and the summary,but I would like to discuss them separately,so things are not missed. I would be happy to change it to daily if needed,but special notices or no email,I have no idea if the member is even reading it. Most of the messages that come through here are the summaries or if there is a member issue. You are all more than welcome to ask for advice on how to get your chapters or subgroups active if needed. That is what the forum is for. Does anyone have an issue with having the setting to at least daily,but you are welcome to set it to individual if you wish?

I am sorry to be honest DCMM has really been great group to moderate and in the past six months I have had more drama with DCMM then I have ever had in the last 3 years since becoming a member/moderator. This job is not easy! There have been several times in that six months where I have wanted to step down due to the stress on me and my family,but I think this a great resource for moms,so I just keep going at it. Anyway,thanks for listening. Toni DCMM Owner/Moderator

********************************

Rubina from the Frederick County DCMM Chapter then writes:
--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com,
Mama2Peep@... wrote: Getting e-mail:
I don't mind individual or daily digest. I'd read them all any way. I think daily digest will serve the same purpose. Summaries: I personally like the summaries. I read (or at least skim) most of them. Sometimes, other members have ideas in their summaries that I "steal". Just my 2 cents worth. -Rubina Frederick County moderator & Maryland State -moderator for DC METRO MOMS (DCMM)

*********************************

Mandy then writes:

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, Mandy wrote: Toni.. I am sorry I did not see this as drama.. but rather just a question. Anyway I would be very happy with setting to Daily Digest. Mandy

*********************************

Rosa writes:

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, "rosamoy" wrote: I would appreciate if it was daily digest at least- I usually only read on the web - it cuts down on volume. Thanks Toni for all your efforts it must take alot to coordinate all this. Not sure how you have the time! Rosa --- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, "Toni Hansen" wrote: > > Yes,we can discuss the email setting and the summary,but I would like to > discuss them separately,so things are not missed.

*************************************

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, "Toni Hansen" wrote: Team Members, Is there something on the summary specifically you don't like or having to fill out the summary itself? They are posted on the team site specifically to share ideas with other chapters/subgroups and to create discussion among team members. Toni DCMM Owner/Moderator --- End forwarded message ---

**********************************
Angela from the Howard County Chapter of DCMM writes:
--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, Angela Render wrote: I guess this can count as my "required" participation this month. I do the individual emails out of habit, but I find that I get 10 times the number on the team site that I do on Howard County. Because of that, I tend to skim the subject line and then delete the messages unread if I feel it doesn't pertain to me. I dumped the main list because of volume and thank goodness I never made joining it a requirement for joining Howard County. No offence, Toni, because I think you've done a marvelous job all these years. I certainally could not have put up with everything you have. I'm not that benevolent and patient a person.

Like Julie, I am a laid-back person when it comes to doing something I started for fun. I'm happy to organize an event or two, meet people and all, but I absolutely do not have the time or the patience for all this paperwork. Thank goodness for the other two marvelous ladies who have stepped in as co-chairs for Howard County becuase this is the primary reason I stepped down the last time. I offered to re-up because I didn't want to see my chapter sumarrily dismissed because we didn't meet some minimum requirement someone set somewhere. Just my 2cents. Angela

************************************

Then my co-host Rockville Chapter of DCMM writes:

Ming Wong wrote: I prefer to read daily digest as well. I am on many listservs (over 20) that provide so much information and I often scan through to get what I need. Ming, co-chair Rockville Chapter

************************************
Then:

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, Jennifer Perilla wrote: I also prefer the Daily Digest otherwise my inbox is full all the time and I can't keep up :) Jenn

*************************************

Then another:
--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, "Chrissy Rey" wrote:
I prefer to set my Yahoo Groups to web only because I get an insane amount of e-mail on a daily basis. I know I'm less likely to miss something if I log in to Yahoo Groups and read through the messages every day or so (I try to log in daily).

We're all busy moms, and each of us has different methods for coping with the flood of e-mails. I don't think anybody should be penalized for using a specific method, so long as they are keeping up. Just my two cents :-)
Chrissy Rey-Drapeau DCMM Prince George's County
DCMM Book Club MD East

******************************************

Then chimes in Margaret, who I believe is Toni's partner in crime perhaps?

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, "Margaret McGowen" wrote:
I agree with Rubina. I tend to at least skim through everything when I get a chance. I tend to mentally prioritize messages based on the subject line. I think that in the last month with all of the sub group chairs joining up on the team list that traffic has been really high but generally the team list is pretty light on traffic except the first week of the month. I feel that once everyone is acclimated that traffic will decrease.
Margaret

******************************************

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, "Bier, Laura" wrote:
I have to say that I barely have time to read the emails, let alone contribute to the discussion. I would prefer to spend my time in activities that benefit the members, like organizing activities. I think daily digest would help. As volunteers (and mothers!), all of us find out time is precious. Laura Arlington FC Chair

************************************************
Then in response directly to Toni's email comes this:

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, AutografWD@... wrote:
I am hearing a few issues that have been coming up over this discussion. I listed them here and maybe we can break them down and vote on them or come up with solutions that better represent the group's needs/desires:
1. Report design - should we come up with a different design? Shorter? More focused on bring out issues/ideas/support instead of statistics?
2. Report frequency - should it be once a month? Once a quarter?
3. E-mail settings -should there be a requirement? Should people set there own? Is "No E-mail" an acceptable setting? Do people read it on the web?
4. Moderator duties - should there be term limits for the main list moderators and the chapter moderators? One year for chapter? Two years for the main list? Or one for each? (Alexandria just start this last year and it gives the leader a way out and encourages another member to step up.)

Toni - this is not a reflection on the efforts you put into the group, because I think everyone can see the time you dedicate to this group. But I also believe that there might be an easier way to come up with solutions that benefit and strengthen the group. And maybe, as a by-product, lessens your load and the chapter leaders. I hope you view this as a healthy discussion and not personally discouraging. I view DCMMTeam as a place to work through ideas and work together on solutions to make it stronger for future members/leaders.


********************************

And again she writes in response to Toni:

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, AutografWD@... wrote:
Unless there is a specific reason that I am not aware of, I would like to take any statistics out. I am not sure if number of e-mails or number of people at an event, spurs discussion. With each chapter having different member numbers, it just isn't a valid statistic for evaluating success or failures. I would be happy to take a shot at designing one. Let me know. I wouldn't mind proposing a full report quarterly, if we still want statistics, and maybe a shorten report monthly to create discussion among the leaders.

********************************
Mandy then writes:

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, Mandy wrote:
Toni.. this is an interesting question.. for me.. I usually do not like doing things that I do not understand the reason for.. So for this one.. I can honestly say that when I read the summaries (or saw them) I never thought they were to help share idea's or create discussion.. I figure we do that independant of the summaries. For me.. they make no sense other than to "bean count" so to speak..

Now I am not sure if you just look at the data and then discard, or you keep some kind of stat's.But if they are mainly for you, I would prefer to send them to you and not the whole group so as not to clutter what they have to read. But if your intent really is to create discussion or talk about things. for me.. these summaries do not do that.. but maybe I am just missing something. This seems like something that I could see was very useful in the beginning or for a group asking for help with membership.. but for 2 of my group we have minimal issues and discussion and that works for those groups..
Mandy

********************************
Then comes this one:(by the way, I appreciate you taking the time to read this far!!!)

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, Carol Amie wrote:
Short answer: I basically agree with Margaret and Rubina with regard to mail.

Long answer for those who are interested: the list has been crazy with new messages the last few weeks but that was atypical in my limited experience and I chalked it up to all the added subgroup welcome posts and then the monthly summaries. I love reading through the summaries~I like to know how all the groups compare, who has great ideas, who might be open for suggestions and who is just working their rearend off to keep the boat afloat. It helps me get to "know" the other chapters and I enjoy that.

The mail influx is likely to really settle down as the month goes on and the new members settle in so if you can just keep your head above water with a liberal "delete" button I think it will get better soon. As for individual v.s. digest, I'd say either should probably be an option. I had to put the main list on digest mode in order to avoid being overwhelmed by the messages but I still read it primarily online only. I don't think it's too much to have the messages delivered to your inbox but if it's overwhelming your personal management system a digest option would work much better for you. At any rate, Thanks Toni, for keeping all these balls in the air at once...I'm still trying to figure out how you do it!
Carol Amie Co-Chair Loudoun County Chapter DCMM

**************************************
Then Jennifer Zaranis who is Toni's Co-Moderator on the main lists (and maybe more?):

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, Jennifer Zaranis wrote:
Mandy and others, I can say that the monthly summaries are used to share what are happening within our chapters and subgroups. They are not intended for anyone to be judgemental on the performance of a group. Our main focus and purpose as a team is to support on another and give input and assistance. In addition to the discussion about daily digest or individual messaging. The main reason why individual messaging is preferred, if we needed to contact you immediately instead of having to pull your personal email info. and cc: the team. It's much easier to post it on the team site and know we are going to get your immediate attention.

I personally understand in many cases it doesn't make much difference if it's daily digest or individual because of family obligations, etc. But when it comes down to being a team player, it means more if it's an individual and a daily digest just sends a sign of " O, I'll get to it later" I know as a moderator and as a team player that each and everyone of you are working hard in keeping this group going and I personally can't thank you all enough.

I hope what I said makes sense and feel free to email me if you have any questions. Thanks, Jennifer

***********************************

Then Laura writes again:

--- In DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com, "Bier, Laura" wrote:
For me, I have to make up half of the statistics as we don't track attendance. I just use averages for the events I attended (and guess for the others), rather than an accurate figure. I think if that was removed it would be easier. Total number of emails and total number of members are on the yahoo page so they are easy to provide.

*********************************

Finally I've logged back on, and I've just started reading all of the above that's come through in the middle of the night, and early AM. I've NOT received anything directly from Toni either privately or not... so I send this in:

From: Julie To: DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Tuesday, February 6, 2007 2:13:45 PM
Subject: Re: [DCMMTeam] Monthly Summary & Setting Discussion (long)

Jennifer/Toni, I'm sorry, but for me, that's just silly.... I'm not at my computer ALL DAY LONG, and if you really need to contact me, you should have my telephone number in a database somewhere. Not that I often answer that either. Some days I don't even log onto the computer, in fact some weeks I don't log onto the computer. BUT... more to the point, why would we need to be contacted in an emergency? What can we do - that Toni as the owner of all groups couldn't do herself? I mean she, I would assume, has the access to ban, or delete or do anything that you might be trying to get a hold of me for. Emergency to me means my husband has been in a car accident, or my child has been kidnapped while out with the babysitter. Nothing about this group in my mind, could be considered life or death, that I need to deal with immediately. Certainly not a "team" email.

I'm sure Mandy was not meaning that she's interested in being judgmental of any group, (and I'm not entirely sure this is what you were saying below, but it's how I read it) and as for being a "team player" I think anyone who signed up to do this, is going way and above the call of duty. Just my opinions, Julie.

----- Original Message ----From: Jennifer Zaranis To: DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Tuesday, February 6, 2007 1:24:40 PM
Subject: [DCMMTeam] Monthly Summary & Setting Discussion (long)
Mandy and others,I can say that the monthly summaries are not intended for anyone to be judgemental on the performance of a group. The main reason why individual messaging is preferred, if we needed to contact you immediately instead of having to pull your personal email info. and cc: the team. It's much easier to post it on the team site and know we are going to get your immediate attention. But when it comes down to being a team player, it means more if it's an individual and a daily digest just sends a sign of " O, I'll get to it later" Thanks,Jennifer

*************************************

Then I am still writing away, not knowing that *MY* messages are NOT being sent thru to the group, although, I'm still allowed to receive & read them.....

From: Julie
To: DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Tuesday, February 6, 2007 1:56:38 PM
Subject: Re: [DCMMTeam] Email Setting Discussion

Autograf - I really want to meet you! You say everything I'm thinking, but can't eloquently get out, for one reason or the other!! Perhaps you are also a lot more diplomatic than I am - my husband constantly tells me that I frequently speak, before saying things the "PC" way... :-( I think I'm just "blunt".

I am shocked that so many other people were thinking the same thing, but had never spoken up! Yikes! I think that for anything to be successful - business, hobby, relationship, we should all be able to say what we think, and feel ok about tossing out ideas. I think the points that you laid out should be discussed and reviewed on a regular basis. I think for a mommy one year might be too long - she may get pregnant inside that time & totally have no time for other duties! Perhaps 6 months, which automatically renews, unless you want to step down.

I understand basically why Toni wants the summaries - she can quickly get a handle on a group that's possibly "sinking" the ship, or can find out what one group is doing if it's going gangbusters.

I however, feel like I’m acting as “big brother”, and that’s not something I’m interested in doing, and I’d certainly never ban someone for not posting. Life happens. I think having perhaps regular meeting times (online) for team members (perhaps once a month that is mandatory to a degree - if you miss 3 in a row, you're done..). and during these online chats - which can happen in real time, allow for each person to have their say, or throw out other suggestions for bettering the group in general, or their group in particular.

During these chats, Toni and other top mods (state moderators) take notes, and then at a meeting that they hold by themselves, discuss what they thought was good, bad, or indifferent. For me, having the same questions to answer each month seems retarded. The basic questions should be:
1. Have we grown the chapter any this month?
2. Did we facilitate any play groups, meetings, mno's
3. Did you BAN anyone this month and why? (This should only be done if this person is a danger to herself, or others, or she's not really a she)!

At the online meetings the team members could discuss in real time the best ways that they've found to get people talking, connecting, and having fun. Obviously if you have a chapter that's doing well, new chapters want to know everything about it.

I still think that there are *too* many sub groups and chapters. Why can't there just be a "Montgomery Co" chapter instead of 10 sub groups for each individual neighborhood? I can drive in less than 10 minutes from one to another.

Has anyone thought instead of sub groups for things like hobbies, depression etc., how about going to a php driven forum? So, you'd keep your main yahoo group, and possibly your local chapter groups (of which I just personally think SHOULD be combined down) and drive everyone regardless of their interests -- to the bulletin board.

On the bulletin board, they can start topics for new moms, breastfeeding, sleeping issues etc., Your bulletin board could be similar to: http://mommysavers.com/boards/index.php -- but localized for Washington DC.

People log on when they want, and they're not overwhelmed by email after email! I know that myself as a previous web designer could offer some help on this, and there's a bunch of mommies on the group that I've met who are also developers, designers, photo editors.

Toni, I also noticed last night that you have some files related to merchandising on the TEAM group - but I have never heard anything about it (and I'm sure I've never seen anything posted to the main group or my chapter group) - if you are interested in branding your own items, and selling them, I have some expertise in that area too and can set up online shopping carts, help you with manufacturers, and business issues like taxes (which if you're selling online, and your online site is technically based on a server in HI, then perhaps you don't really need to collect sales tax on an item that is "technically" not being sold out of DC)...

I know the "shows" to go to to find your manufacturers, and maybe distributors who sell it for you directly. These are all my areas of expertise - but no one would know that because it's not asked on your team form. ??? D'OH!

There are probably a lot more talented moms who do other things that might make for great events - huge events. I know that we could have a booth at the Cherry Blossom festival coming up soon, where we could grab and "convert" other mommies who are walking by - and it's not going to cost very much money to run up brochures, or cards.

We could also actually get together rent a space, and for your marketplace group, we could bring all our high end gear and sell it ourselves together - by taking out a few ads in the gazettes, or posting it online to other groups etc., The main group would make money either by taking a small percentage of all sales, or charging a door fee to other parents to shop. There should be a "Valentine's Day" (or Xmas, or New Years) dance for all the parents to get together & it's so easy to get a ballroom in a local hotel for free, by explaining how they'll benefit from our efforts in advertising their services. Anyway, as you can see, my ADD is in full gear! So many thoughts, I can't get them all down, logically, or explain them in detail the way I'd like to!

I need to quit, I could just go on and on, but a lot of people may not be interested in this period! Julie.

----- Original Message ----From: "mailto:AutografWD@****" To: DCMMTeam@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Tuesday, February 6, 2007 12:19:46 PM
Subject: Re: [DCMMTeam]

Email Setting Discussion : 1. Report design - should we come up with a different design? Shorter? More focused on bring out issues/ideas/ support instead of statistics? 2. Report frequency - should it be once a month? Once a quarter? 3. E-mail settings -should there be a requirement? Should people set there own? Is "No E-mail" an acceptable setting? Do people read it on the web? 4. Moderator duties -

*********************

OK, so now at this point, I'm looking for my responses, but they're not coming through - and I've figured it out. So I write to Toni directly, and CC it to who I was originally responding to:

TO: TONI CC AUTOGRAF
On 2/6/07, Julie wrote:
Toni, I'm sending this directly to AutografWD, because even though I'm still getting team emails (how ironic is that) I'm no longer allowed to post to the "team" list.

I can't believe I've now been censored, considering I took the last hour to answer the emails & give you and the others input (or constructive critizism) that I thought *you* asked for. As I said in the previous e-mail (which also did not get put through) I in no way wanted to cause you any drama, and I'm sorry if this has caused you problems.
Julie.

*************************

So then I receive these two emails back to back from Toni several hours later:

----- Original Message ----From: Toni Hansen
To: Julie Cc: AutografWD@aol.com; Jennifer Zaranis
Sent: Tuesday, February 6, 2007 3:13:55 PM
Subject: Re: Censorship?

The issues that involve yourself and the moderators do not need to involve other team members and we would appreciate if you would leave them out. Feel free to contact me directly if you have an issue.Toni
******
Julie, You can receive messages from the groups,but your messages that you send are moderated.I have been out for several hours today with my children and I am sorry I didn't stay home so you could get your messages through to the group. Toni

*********************

SO... because I am who I am, I was pretty furious, and hammered off this email to her directly:

Toni,
Am I just being really thick here? I don't know whether to laugh at you, or take you seriously.

First of all, the fact that you're NOT at your computer full time (nor should you be) is the exact point about what difference does it make if you read your mail on the web, in a digest version, or individually. The point is that you read it eventually.

I respectfully asked last night if there was any real need to have the DCMM team emails individually sent out, because I was having an issue keeping up with them. If it was going to be that way, I apologised and said that I couldn't do the job of moderator that was asked of me. I then volunteered to stick around until Rubina could get someone else at your request, or her request, I'm now no longer sure whose request it was at.

Today when I logged on, I was still getting e-mails, and my option had been turned back yet again to individual team emails!!! ?????

I read the emails with interest, and thought that YOU had asked for feedback about the chapter summaries and other issues. I thought I appropriately answered those, giving what I thought was valuable feedback, to someone who had essentially asked for it - YOU.

I obviously foolishly mistook those e-mails to be a "discussion forum" for all team members to talk about ways to help improve DCMM.

Interestingly enough, even though none of those messages got posted, you also didn't bother to respond to them.

What I gather from all of this, is it's either your way or the highway, and as the owner of a group, I fully understand that is within your right.

Toni, I wish I could say that I've had a "great" experience with you, and your DCMM Momdom, however, that's not been the case. My first clue should have been when you censored me and the other moms from discussing getting together for a drag queen show, or martini's out and without our kids. However, then I was asked to be part of the "team" and help grow the neighbourhood chapters. I was thrilled to be able to schedule and attend 8 events in 3 weeks, and although I don't necessarily agree with everything you wanted to know about those events, and my chapter, I submitted it, neatly, in the form you wanted, and on time.

Don't worry about moderating me, I'll be going now to unsubscribe myself from all of YOUR DCMM groups because now not only do I not agree with some of your rules, but I'm all for my first amendment rights of free speech, which you've thought is your right, to go ahead and take away.

Your team members aren't stupid. They'll figure out what went on, and from what I've heard so far today privately, this isn't the first time that people have butted heads with you, and been sent on their way. Losing 40 moderators in the space of a few months should tell you something.
Julie.

********************

There so first off, I kinda miss-spoke. I wasn't "banned" - well I sorta was, but here's the gory details, if you are not affiliated with DC Metro Moms and are trying to figure out all the above emails!!

I *WAS* a moderator of DCMM for Rockville. When I was asked to be one, and the job duties were explained to me, I balked and said that most of those were things I couldn't do. I basically told them I'm not interested in banning people, I'm not interested in tracking or moderating people, and that I'm just here to have fun, make new friends, help connect people, and do interesting things with my children, and that I'd happily take on the role of "social director" cause that's what I like to do. I like to "chat" and I like to go out and party ;-)

I did agree to keep track of *who* came to the activities & events, what the discussions were about & to enthuse life into the chapter. I also agreed that I'd work on their calendar, and make sure that I planned events & attended all the events I planned. I had a co-chapter host - Ming - who would do all the tedious jobs, and she agreed that was her forte, not socializing.

Each month Toni (whoever the hell she is -- apparantly some say she's just another Moderator of the Loudon County Chapter, others say she came in and forced out the original members who started DCMM and took over) asks for a detailed summary of each group.

She wants to know from her "team" members how many people joined, what's the difference between this month and last month in numbers, how many people were removed for not "posting", who was banned, what events were planned, how many people showed up, what is being discussed on the group, how many *posts* there were that month, is it up/down from the previous month, and this HAS to be turned into the TEAM group by the 7th of each month.

The main reason I am not with them anymore is because I disagreed with a rule -- as a TEAM member (unpaid, volunteer) you MUST keep your e-mail settings for group stuff to individual -- not digest, and certainly NOT read on web only.

Now, I explained when I joined that some things are not my strong suit - for instance, 300 individual e-mails will throw me for a loop because I can't handle it that way - but 10 digest versions with 30 emails inside them are no problem for me... I know very strange, but hey, that's the way my brain works and processes things. To me, there's no difference - I'm still reading it.

Toni said that if you have to be told once, you're in the "warning stage" if you are told "twice" you're basically "fired".... and I simply wrote back to the TEAM board saying that this doesn't work well for me, and could she ease up on it, or allow for a discussion of it. I said that I was overwhelmed enough just with filling out "reports" monthly, and that those are in my mind unnecessary.

Well of course I opened a can of worms. I personally can't believe after how many volunteers agreed with me, that NONE of them had ever suggested any of this in the past.

I also explained that I knew how hard Toni worked, and that the things I was mentioning were just ideas/opinions, and there'd be no hard feelings etc., because the bottom line is, if I stepped down as moderator, I'd still want to post and host events on the calendar - just as a regular member mommy. I also said that if the mail staying as individual emails was seriously going to be enforced, then I'd automatically get kicked off.

So... fast forward to the next day - imagine my surprise when I logged onto the computer, and had all these emails - from a group that I'd just the night before once more changed my status to NO EMAIL (because I read it on the web) and out of all the e-mails that went through during this discussion - Toni did not once choose to respond to me either via the group, or personally.

Most of the emails were about other suggestions/ideas.. I responded to a few, and then went to play with the kids. When I next logged on, I saw all these posts that had come through -- except for mine. I knew I was now being "moderated"... so I wrote to her personally and privately asking her why ironically I'm getting all the private TEAM mail, but I'm no longer allowed to voice my opinion. She "ironically" had been out with her child and wasn't at her computer.. imagine... my whole point in the first place was that not all of us are seeing mail as it comes through, but eventually we are reading the emails.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO.... a few weeks before all of this, and because Toni Hansen had censored me on the main group, and explained her having rules about not setting up playdates via the main DCMM group, I for fun started DC Hip Mommies, and in less than 3 weeks, without trying it's now got about 150 women on it.

I never understood why, if I didn't mind driving out of my neighborhood, I couldn't connect for a moms night out with moms from MD, DC and VA. I mean the chances of connecting with 30 people in your local chapter are slim, but with 1000+ moms in the metro area, then you really have a good chance of making a very good friend for life.

I'm happy to focus my time and energy on DC Hip Mommies. However, some of you might not know about the site, and may want the opportunity to join it - I'd welcome that. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/dchipmommies

If you've read this far through, you now know the saga of a DCMM moderator!

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