Mom's night out...

I belong to a new moms group & last night we all went on a girly night out on the town! It was soooo much fun. Just getting away from the kids (who I'm with from 5.45am till 8.30pm) was awesome! Having someone other than my husband to talk to was fantastic! Being able to de-stress with a beer was outta this world! The girls were great! Each of them were so interesting. We had great conversation, a nice meal, and I came home feeling something other than a stay at home mom.
I had really sort of lost myself. My entire life for the last 2 and a half years has revolved around looking after the kids, and this once amazingly spontaneous, fun, and varied life that I had for myself was gone in the blink of an eye. Literally. We were called a few hours after our son was born, and asked if we were interested in taking him. He spent 3 weeks in hospital gaining weight, detoxing from drugs & alcohol poisioning and getting over a very shakey start to his life before he came home with us. I had exactly those three weeks to prepare for him ~ talk about a crazy time in our life!

I owned my own business, with a brick and mortar storefront, and of course once he came home, I wanted nothing more than to spend ALL my time with him. I took him to work with me for about 3 months, but hated every minute of it, and was accomplishing nothing. I decided, hastily, that it was not right for me to continue working, and instead of looking for a buyer, I just closed up shop. I brought everything back to my house, and just basically went out of business. At that time, I had no idea just how foolish financially this really was... but oh well, we live and learn right?

All of my time was devoted to getting him the best care medically that we could, and by about his 6 month birthday he was having various OT & PT sessions once or twice a week. He was very delayed, had lots of feeding issues & was sooooooo tiny. He was also terribly angry, obviously hurting, and the connections in his little war torn body were just not firing correctly. We were also told he had Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, possible mental retardation, ADHD, bi-polar, some mild form of autism & a bunch of other not very nice "labels".

From the time he was about 14 months in addition to OT & PT we also were advised to add in speech therapy and sign language. So I spend most weeks doing 4 sessions of therapy with him & his "staff". To say that it's been stressful and busy would be an understatement.

On top of all that I have another child, who I'm concerned is not getting all the attention she deserves. She's so easy going, independant & self sufficient, that at times I realise that she's getting ignored, but everything is consumed by my son, and his issues. When they finally go to bed at night, I have to chart his progress, keep his food journal, and try to learn as much as I can about babies born to alcoholics & drug addicts, FAS, bi-polar, and ADD.

Literally until a few weeks ago I had no idea that I could actually connect with decent, fun, interesting women who are also moms. I joined a couple of online parenting groups, and mommy n me type things, but the women that I kept meeting were "out to lunch" to say the least. It's like since they became mommies they no longer have a mind of their own, an opinion of their own, or a life of their own. They certainly don't want to do anything outside of their home, without their children present. They have get togethers for "scrapbooking" at one anothers homes & don't drink, don't swear, and only want to discuss their children.

Now, you might be thinking that I'm a raging alcoholic with tourettes syndrome, but I'm not... and maybe it's just me, but after spending 13 or 14 hours a day with my kids, I can't wait to be able to make new friends and go hang out. I feel like I've "dumbed down" since I no longer work, and I'm not around any other adults. I feel that part of me is just missing. I have nothing against scrapbooking (I occasionally try to stick my photos of the kids in books too, or at least modge podge them to the inside of the cupboard doors) but I do it alone, and just don't want to get together to swap stickers, and talk about how cute all the kids are! I have no problems with those of you who choose not to drink - I just don't want to be preached at if I order a glass of red wine with dinner. Occasionally after the 50th time that day my kids have thrown their cup of milk all over the house, I sometimes slip up and let out an "Oh Shit".

The women that I'd previously met also were big church goers of various religions, however, all with a definite need to try and "convert" the newbie (me). At this point in my life, I've realised that I don't actually believe in the God thing, or the higher power, and am more of a be good to others, and good things will happen to you kinda girl. Those viewpoints didn't go down well. I have no problem with other people's religion either - in fact I was brought up in Ireland, with a mum who was protestant, and a father who was Catholic. I was baptised, confirmed and went to some form of church & sunday school every Sunday until I left home. So I now know organized religion when I see it. My husband when he has time goes to church. I don't even mind going with him - on holiday's. I just happen to I guess be an Athiest, or a humanist would be more on target.

I'm digressing... I basically was made to feel like a "terrible parent" or some kind of freak when I suggested that we all go out for margaritas, and watch a "drag queen" show. I thought that it would be hilariously funny, but the consensous of the moral majority was that it wasn't. SO, being the take no bullshit (whoops, sorry) kinda chick that I am, I decided I'd start my own group - for "hip" mommies - or just those of us, that believe it is ok to go out without the kids, have a childfree zone in our bedrooms, and are up for getting drunk once in a while!

In 3 weeks, we've grown in our own little local area, to over 180 strong! LOL!!! If you really want to read ALL the drama that led up to it, I've got a post just for you!