Terrible Two's?

For like the past month or more my son has really been testing my patience. Actually as of today, it's completely gone, I don't even have a shred left. Luckily for me and HIM, he went to sleep when we got home, and he's STILL ASLEEP!!! I don't want to wake him, I don't want to fight with him, and I don't want to see his pissy little temper tantrums!!

I know that not napping anylonger in the afternoon is causing some of the melt downs, but I can't force him to sleep, and he obviously only will when he's completely exhausted. 1,2,3 worked GREAT from the time he was maybe 9 months old to now, and now he's just defiant. Really only when we're out someplace, because he still cooperates at home (for some weird reason).

Is this the terrible twos? Do they just suddenly turn into Damien? I don't know where he picked it up, but in the last week, he's been throwing himself onto the floor/ground when we're out, but obviously doesn't realise that he's then "supposed" to kick his feet and writhe around like a lunatic - so he just lays there and looks at me.... but with a pissy, whiny look on his face. Then when I've picked him up, he furiously does this kicking and flailing with his legs and feet, and I've actually dropped him to the ground, one because it hurts when you get whacked in the boob, or the stomach, but two because I don't know what else to do. Usually the shock of falling on his ass, or his head, shocks him into realizing he's pushed his luck.

I'm not opposed to spanking, and only use it as a last resort, BUT, this whole spanking through the trousers, and over the diaper thing, does not have the same effect, as me slapping his bare leg, which immediately silences him (from the sheer shock of it no doubt). Does anyone else spank? It seems to be very un PC here in the states, but where I grew up, my mom would trail me out of a grocery store by the ear, and not give it a second thought, or give me a good whack on the ass with a "ruler" if I wasn't doing what I was told.

I've read all the stuff that says when I spank, I'm the one losing control, and I even agree with that to a certain extent, but sometimes, like today, I wasn't out of control, but I wanted him to know that he was at the end of a very short rope, and he needed to quit. It could be that it's Thursday, and it's been a long week of 13+ hour days alone with him and her, but I'm feeling like he's just decided that he can do whatever he wants, when he wants. I want to nip that in the bud right now.

He is normally very good about knowing not to go on the road, and at the park, he normally stays on the grassy area, but this week, I find myself saying over and over again, come out of the carpark, and stay on the grass. I've put him in time out at the park, but nothing seems to phase him. I don't want to be one of those moms who say things over and over, but then don't really mean it. I want him to know that when I say it, he'd better listen to me, or there's going to be a consequence... but what's the consequence???

A friend of mine who has 22 year old kids gave me a book - called - Toddler Taming - and it's british and obviously was written 20 years ago, but it's very clear that spanking was a means to an end, worked well, and was promoted widely. Are there other books? Other suggestions?

Milan does have a lot of very special issues, that do add to his behaviour and we have read the out of sync child, which gives us insight into the things he doesn't tolerate well, but it doesn't really talk about discipline methods for toddlers.

When do they "get" sharing? Today at playgroup, everytime another child picked up a toy, HE THEN WANTED THAT TOY. It was SO annoying. I actually wouldn't care if he didn't "get it" but at least didn't whine and throw a hissy fit about it. AAGGGGHHHH!!! So sorry for the long rant! It doesn't help that so many of the moms that I now know have kiddies who seem like totally well behaved, normal children!! I feel very inferior as a mommie. I think I'm the only one out of the group who has to constantly correct her kid.

Please help!!!